I love this quote:
” If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It reminds me of a story…A friend of mine met a woman recently and they chatted about life. This woman has a pretty good life. She runs a small business that helps lots of people feel better about themselves. She’s happily married, she has a family she adores. She’s healthy and doing okay financially. So no worries, right?
But that day, she told my friend an embarrassing secret… She told her that she felt that she was a disappointment to herself and that, at that time, she was struggling to feel as though she brought any value to the world…
Whoa! Bet my friend didn’t see that coming! What? My friend thinks this woman is great. My friend also knows lots of people who think she’s great. She does pretty cool work in the world. How come she couldn’t see that? She looked perfectly fine that day as they sat in the coffee shop! She was well dressed, her make up and hair were done beautifully. To any passer-by, all looked fine.
In that moment, it would have been easy to reassure her and pat her hand and tell her not to be silly. It would have been easy to give her a list of reasons why she was wrong, to try to persuade her that she really was doing fine. But instead, my friend held the space and told her how sad she was that she felt that way and that even though she knew it wasn’t true, she still heard that it felt that bad that day. She simply saw her pain and still loved her. She showed her the kindness of being there with her without judgement.
You see, what we see on the outside is not necessarily a reflection of what’s happening on the inside…in that place of torture or bliss…our minds. On that day (and for the previous few weeks), this woman was hearing old stories, old messages, old toxic gunk and the messages were clear and felt true. This was all happening in her head and although logic told her they were old crap, it still felt true.
But kindness (along with a great little homeopathic remedy called Aurum met) helped this woman to feel self love again. And allowed her to realise that these messages of self hate were only gunk from the past that weren’t actually true even if they felt like it at times.
Moral of the story: Be kind to everyone, especially yourself. Some days are harder than others and it isn’t always how it looks on the outside. I know, because this woman was me. xx
PS: If you’re struggling to be kind to yourself, check out the attached audio. It’s an invitation; who knows what might happen!