I’m a slow learner. Don’t be sad for me – I’m okay with it most days. I suppose I could phrase it differently and call myself a late bloomer, or something more poetic but I prefer a frank approach to life and besides … owning your sh*t makes it easier to live with!

You see, I’ve slipped up LOADS of times and have perfected self-sabotage to an art form in the past but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. I think it just might be the human condition … otherwise, human behaviour (and history) wouldn’t seem so … well, repetitive.

We don’t always get the results we want…

Stay with me on this one – you see, if us humans were faster learners, then surely, we’d notice sooner when our behaviours don’t get us the results we want, right? And we’d move quickly to change our behaviours, so that our results would improve? You’d think – but we don’t! Instead:

  • We stay up late when we know we need an early night.
  • We comfort eat in front of Netflix despite wanting to lose 10lbs.
  • We complain about how busy we are, but we won’t (or maybe can’t) say NO.
  • We promise ourselves we’ll get our daily steps up but then bail on the walk because it’s raining.
  • We plan to get fit but don’t attend the exercise class because we feel fat and can’t face it.

Or was that only me?

I’m a Slow Learner, I told you!

Now I know that the phrase ‘slow learner’ isn’t always seen as a compliment (except to me maybe). It says we’re getting it wrong, or doing things badly, or learning too slowly – by another person’s standards. But humans don’t always do the things that get us the results we want so people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Or there will be broken glass to sweep up, just saying!

I’ve wondered about rules for as long as I can remember…

Even as a pre-school child, I wondered about the rules a LOT! Adults were strange (although it wasn’t safe to say that out loud). They said one thing and did another OFTEN. For example – the rules we had in school, in church and in life, that everyone (well okay, mostly teachers and parents) said were VERY important. They said I should believe them as the absolute truth because they were absolutely true.

Except they weren’t.

Every single day, I saw those adults break the rules they seemed so keen for me to follow.

But I did know that there was one rule that could not be broken:

“You are not allowed to question the rules, or to point out when rules are silly or broken or weird.”

And so, I stayed quiet and watched and wondered. And assumed I was wrong, or bad for thinking these things, or stupid because I couldn’t make it all make sense. I thought I was a slow learner, and I was, which was a good thing. It meant I didn’t learn those rules quickly.

Instead, I was curious about the rules – who created them, who enforced them and what happened to the people who broke them? I wondered if the rules could be changed or improved upon or gotten rid of completely? I imagined what it would be like if we could create rules that worked for us as well as for others. Yup, I was a really slow learner, especially around rules but that, it turned out, was a very good thing.

Rules that Rock your World, not Wreck your Head

It was many years before my interest in human behaviour made sense and luckily for me, it continues to fill me with curiosity to this day. I’ve learned that many of us have rules inside our heads that aren’t useful – rules that mean we slip up easily or self-sabotage often and both make us feel bad. But the good news is that these rules can be changed, or tweaked or deleted or upgraded once we’re fed up with the results we’re getting and ready to take the next step.

These days, I help clients create rules that rock their world, not wreck their head, allowing them to get better results in their every day.

If you’d like to dip your toe into the “Rules that Rock Your World” gang, check out my group membership: Get Your MOJO* Back

It’s a bunch of kind-hearted women who meet online once monthly to reset, restart, and remember what really matters when we’re busy trying to keep the show on the road in an over-scheduled life.

Because nothing changes until our behaviours do,

Ashleigh Xxx